Today it is increasingly common for any adult, called grandparents, teachers, uncles, or people without children, to complain about the bad education of children. No matter the place or the time, simply some children seem to conspire against us and continue to rise. Is the education of children undergoing a crisis?
The tantrums and bad behavior of children in general, coupled with the passivity of their parents, has become a common theme in family talks or meetings with friends, but what changed? At what point did the parents stop educating the children as they educated us? Yes, in those times where a look of your mother was enough for you to stop running like crazy around the room because she was talking to her friends.
When a spanking meant a real threat and not a “I’ll give you ‘pau pau’ if you do not calm down” (and to top it all the ‘pau pau’ never arrives).
If, like me, they suffer from the nerves every time they see a child come in, check out these 5 reasons why, according to a British nanny, the education of children is in crisis, published in the Huffington Post.
1. Fear of our children
I usually do a morning test in which I observe how a father gives breakfast to his son. If the child says, “I want the pink mug, not the blue one!” Although the mother has already put the milk in the blue, I try to observe carefully the reaction of the mother. Most of the time, it becomes pale and poured the contents into the cup that the child prefers before giving him a tantrum. Error! What are you afraid of? Who rules the two? Let it cry if you want, and go from there to not hear the crying. But, please, do not work too hard just to please the child. And, most importantly, think of the lesson you are teaching him if you give him everything he wants just by crying.
2. We have lowered the bar
When children misbehave, whether in public or in private, parents tend to shrug their shoulders like saying, “That’s the way kids are.” I assure you, it does not have to be this way. Children are capable of much more than what parents normally expect of them, in terms of their manners, respect for the elderly, day-to-day tasks, generosity, or self-control. Do you think a child can not sit at dinner in a restaurant? Nothing of that. Do you think a child is not able to remove the table without being asked? Again, it is not so. The only reason they do not behave well is because you have not shown them how to do it and because you do not expect them to do it. It’s that simple. Set the bar higher and your child will know how to behave.
3. We have lost the customs of the people
Previously, bus drivers, teachers, shopkeepers and other parents used to have carte blanche to correct a rude child. They acted as eyes and ears of the mother and father if the children were out of sight, and everyone worked together for a common interest: to properly raise children. The whole town was overturned.
At present, if someone who is not a parent of the child in question thinks of scolding him, the parents do not like it. They want their child to look like the perfect child, and so they do not accept that teachers or other people say otherwise. They will be in a rage and will talk to the teacher rather than their son for having misbehaved in class. They feel the need to project a perfect image to the world and, unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced because many parents judge each other. If a child starts bawling, all heads will turn to the mother with a reproving look. Instead, it should be backed up, because there is a good chance that the tantrum may have occurred because it did not yield to any of your child’s demands. Rather, these observers should say, “Good work, I know how difficult it is to put limits.”
4. We rely too much on shortcuts
I find it wonderful that parents have all kinds of electronic gadgets to entertain themselves on a flight or in the doctor’s waiting room. It’s also great that we can order our online purchase, and we can heat healthy food to microwave blow. Parents are busier than ever, and I’m totally in favor of taking the easy way whenever necessary. But shortcuts can also be a slippery slope. When you discover how well Caillou entertains the child in a plane, do not be tempted to put the drawings in a restaurant.
Children also have to learn to be patient. They have to learn to be distracted by themselves. They have to learn that not all food is going to be always hot and ready in less than three minutes and, if possible, they also have to learn to help in the kitchen. Babies need to learn to be reassured by themselves; Do not sit on a vibrating chair every time you get picky. Children have to learn to get up when they fall, instead of raising their arms for mom and dad to pick them up. It teaches children that shortcuts can be helpful, but it is very satisfying to do things slowly.
5. Parents put the needs of their children above theirs
Naturally, parents tend to take care of their children first, and this is good for evolution. I defend the idea of creating a schedule that fits the needs of the child, and that the child’s food and clothing is a priority. However, today’s parents have gone too far, subjecting their own needs and mental health to those of their children. More and more often I see moms getting out of bed every two to three to satisfy the boy’s whims. Or dads who leave everything and run the zoo from end to end in a hurry to buy the girl a drink because she is thirsty. It’s okay to not get up in the middle of the night to give your son another glass of water. It’s okay if the zoo’s dad says, “Sure you’re going to drink water, but we’re going to have to wait until we get to the next fountain.” It’s okay to use the word not from time to time, nor is there anything wrong with asking your child to entertain himself for only a few minutes because Mom wants to use the bathroom privately or flip through a magazine.
I fear that if we do not begin to correct, and soon, these five serious mistakes, the children we are raising will grow into arrogant, selfish, impatient, and impolite adults. It will not be his fault, but ours. We have not taught them anything else, we have never expected anything else from them. We never wanted them to feel uncomfortable, and when it is inevitable that they feel any discomfort, they will not be prepared for it. I therefore ask all the parents and caregivers of the world to demand more of the children. Let them expect more from them. Let them share in their struggles. Give them less. Let them be upright and together we prepare them for success in the real world, and not in the protected world we have created for them.